im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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