I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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