You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
