tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
