So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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