pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
