Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
