she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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