I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
