I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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