I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
