I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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