just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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