she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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