wrigley field is MILF paradise
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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