i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
