So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
