Someone shit on the floor
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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