Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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