I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
worst night to have a conscience
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
