I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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