it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
