the day after is always just damage control
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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