If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
