i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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