I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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