At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no, he came in my armpit
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
