smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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