You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
