I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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