thus making me awesome and them whores
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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