if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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