I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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