i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
