from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
