You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want to be your penis for a week.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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