alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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