When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
