I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
