i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
