Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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