We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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