Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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