I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
