I wish I could teleport
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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