if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
