bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
