im about as happy as oj after his trial
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
