Please, let me fuck your mom
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize