I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
