A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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