the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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