Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Found the puke drawer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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