he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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