If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
