Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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