It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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