I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?