bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.